Monday, June 1, 2009

My Ticket to Middle Age

I'm in the club now. I'm officially "middle aged." I got inducted last week. For about 350 dollars, I got my Official Middle-Aged Status Symbol. I wear it everywhere I go. And I hate it. Or, I should say, I hate them.

What are they?


You young pups, treasure your vision while you can. Because once you it your 40s, your lenses in your eyes will begin to lose flexibility. And even though bifocals restore your ability to read without either a) taking off your glasses and reading with the book right next to your nose, or b) perch the glasses at the end of your nose (which is what I did) or c) holding your book uncomfortably at arms length, where the letters are clear, but are too far away to make out.

It sucks.

But guess what? It's life, now. Until my lenses harden completely, turn white and have to be taken out in cateract surgery--which, judging from my family history, is only a matter of time for me--I have to deal with it.

My eyes are what you might term as Offically Screwed Up. I have -6.75 in one eye and -5.25 in the other. And the vast difference in eyes makes the bifocal portion extremely hard to get used to. Clockwork Heart is worth the struggle, but I have to force myself to restrain the urge to go and get my old glasses. Yes, I had to perch them at the end of my nose, but at least the entire page was clear throughout my range of vision.

Once you're in bifocals, you are doomed to hourglass vision. What is hourglass vision? Well, the range of clear vision in your glasses is shaped like an hourglass. You have a wide range of clear vision on top, then it narrows to completely blurry just below the straight-ahead point, then it widens to a very narrow triangle of clarity at the bottom. through which you can read. If you look down while you walk, everything is blurry.

Enough grousing. Comments expressing empathy are seriously needed right now! Or better yet, advice on how to deal with these things.


Raven said...

My sympathy on the bifocals. I have bad eyes too (too much reading?), so I'm sure they're in my future.

ediFanoB said...

I know what you are talking about. My wife and I are both short-sighted. I have -12.75 on one eye and -13.00 on the other eye. Life looks different for my without glasses. So far we couldn't decide to get bifocals. My just takes off the glasses for reading. I'm the one who is perching the glasses so far to the middle of the nose. To be honest I don't want the hourglass vision. In my current used glasses I have a limited area where I see everything sharp. I don't know hw my glasses will like like when I get bifocals.

Next month we will go to our oculist for yearly check of eyes. We will ask him for advice.

So you are not alone and you are one step in front of us.

Don't worry about your glasses enjoy life! Enjoy reading!

By the way, do you know who invented the bifocals?

You find the answer when you follow the link.

"My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle."
Henny Youngman, US (English-born) comedian (1906 - 1998)

Tia said...

My bad eyes started when I was 8.

Yikes, -12.75?? I don't like hourglass vision either. I can perch these glasses on the end of my nose and read just fine. So if these glasses remain uncomfortable, and they send me back through the examination room, I'll probably revert to regular glasses and just perch these on the end of my nose for the next 10 years or so, until things get truly desperate.

I really wish someone had told me all of this before I ordered the glasses. I knew my husband had an adjustment period, but I thought they were just bad prescriptions. The last time he got glasses, he loved them.

"Oculust". I love that word. Much easier to say than "opthomologtist".

Kristy Baxter said...

Oh, no, don't tell me that! I've already got -11.75! And I HATE glasses...vastly prefer contacts.

But hey, when my dad had his cataracts removed, they did a lens implantation at the same time--so he now lives almost completely without glasses for the first time in 55 years. Something to look forward to, even as you dread it, I guess?

Tim of Angle said...

We have the technology.

Tia Nevitt said...

Kristen, my dad did the same thing, but his myopia kept progressing--it never stops, after all--so now he wears bifocals again.

The CrystalLens looks great. Almost makes me want cateracts . . . almost.

KP said...

Went through this same ordeal last winter. Walking down stairs was especially disorienting.
After a few months, though I hardly notice as your eyes seem to adjust.

Maria said...

If you look through them *just* right while looking in the mirror, your thighs will be REALLY skinny!!!!!

Note: It may also be too blurry to actually verify that you are looking at your thighs. They might look more like your arm.

Hmm. I may not be helping here.

Tia Nevitt said...

Wow, Maria; that was the best advice yet! I'm going to try that!

I'll just be living in a happy little illusion. ;)

Kimber Li said...

Bifocals? So what? It's just another way to see.

And middle age? Hey, my great-grandma lived to 104. Therefore, middle age doesn't start until 52 for me. I feel younger at 40 than I did at 39 because I'm happier and more content with my life. Age is a number. It's all in attitude, girlfriend!

Tia Nevitt said...

Re: Bifocals? So what? It's just another way to see.

Unless you can't see so well through said bifocals, and need a 2month adjustment period.

Most of this post was tongue-in-cheek. I certainly wouldn't want to go back to my 20s!

Kimber Li said...

Oh, me neither, Tia, or my teens. You couldn't pay me enough. Young people have so much to deal with. My life began at about 26.

Maria Zannini said...

My sympathies. I had the crystalens procedure. MOST people do great, but my peepers needed numerous tweaks due to all the previous surgeries I'd had.

Despite all the pain and inconvenience, it was worth it. It's not perfect, but soooo much better than what it was. --and I don't need bifocals.

My hubby has been wearing bifocals for nearly ten years and he STILL hasn't gotten used to it.

You can find him in the dictionary under "stubborn".

Tia Nevitt said...

Some people do great. Some people hate them. The jury's still out for me. My nearsightedness is extreme enough that swapping reading glasses and distance glasses really isn't an option.

I'm just glad I don't have to be blind, like I would have been two hundred years ago! Or even a hundred years ago, unless I had significant money.

Anne said...

You have my fullest sympathies on the glasses. I know they can be hard to get used to. {Sympathetic Smile}